俏皮话

<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><strong><span style="FONT-SIZE: 20px">来源：互联网</span></strong></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">1.孔子曰：“中午不睡，下午崩溃。”孟子曰：“孔子说的对！”</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">2.我想起来，我曾立志做一个好玩的人。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">3.解释就是掩饰，掩饰就是讲故事~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">4.不准再问我：最近过的怎么样？</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">5.将薪比薪的想一下，算了，不想活了。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">6.有困难要上，没困难创造困难也要上。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">7.夏天就是不好，穷的时候连西北风都没得喝。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">8.执子之手，将子拖走。子若不走，拍晕了继续拖走~！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">9.你让我滚，我滚了，你让我回来，对不起，我滚远了！！！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">10.我和脂肪做斗争，差点没牺牲</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">11.那啥，就给我个经济适用坟好了。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">12.活了二十多年，没能为祖国、为人民做点什么，每思及此，伤心欲绝。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">13.人和人不是客客气气就能相处的！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">14.只要给够加班费</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">~当牛作马无所谓~~</span></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">15.生活嘛，就是生下来，活下去~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">16.再丑也要谈恋爱，谈到世界充满爱。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">17.不在江湖很久，江湖总有我的传说~~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">18.不吃饱哪有力气减肥！！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">19.姐不是广场上算卦的，唠不出那么多你爱听的嗑。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">20.我跟耶稣祈求踏实稳定的生活，他想了想说，咱们还是先谈谈世界和平的事吧...</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">21.成人不自在，自在不成人~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">22.趁着年轻把能干的坏事都干了吧，没几年了。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">23.挣着卖白菜的钱，操着卖白粉的心~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">24.所谓的单纯，长了翅膀的就是天使，没长翅膀的就是白痴。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">25.除了诱惑，我什么都能抵挡~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">26.琴棋书画不会，洗衣做饭嫌累~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">27.凡我放不下的，必是因为我拥有不了的~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">28.你曾经对我说，会永远爱着我，爱情这东西我明白，但永远是什么？</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">29.七岁的小男孩是地球上最可怕的生物，他们有好奇心、行动力、破坏力以及《未成年人保护法》。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">30.今天心情不好。我只有四句话想说。包括这句和前面的两句。我的话说完了……</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">31.恋爱是一件变态的事！因为“恋”的上半身是“变态”的“变”，下半身是“变态”的“态”~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">32.我说:"要有上班以外的生活!"于是，有了加班。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">33.人贵在言而有信——我说不还钱就不还钱!</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">34.我的缺点是嫌贫爱富,我的优点是一定都不自恋。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">35.老婆说要看闪电，我拿菜刀砍电线。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">36.船撞桥头自然沉~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">37.老子曰：睡可睡，非常睡。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">38.每天早上起床都要看一遍“福布斯”富翁排行榜，如果上面没有我的名字，我就去上班。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">39.我虽然相信海誓山盟，但是未必相信你啊~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">40.我在春天种下一堆男朋友，现在秋天到了，啧啧，居然颗粒无收~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">41.上帝说：出门不要忘记带伞，一会儿我要浇花。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">42.特别的人从来不说自己特别，比如说我。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">43.把事情复杂化，才能体现我们的工作能力！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">44.没事别找我，有事更加不要找我…</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>哈哈</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">45.青春就像卫生纸，看着挺多的，用着用着就不够了……</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">46.最近工作不突出，业绩不突出，腰椎间盘有点突出。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">47.我要找个像金刚一样的男人，为我站在美国最高的大楼去给我打飞机。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">48.我的否已极了，可泰说他没空来。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">49.对不起,你拨打的用户已结婚。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">50.我虽有自知之明但坚决死性不改！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">51.我人生只会两件事</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>1<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>这也不会<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>2<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>那也不会</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">52.除了金庸，J.K.罗琳写的7本书也可以连成一句话：“哈哈哈哈哈哈哈”</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">53.人不犯我~~我不犯人~~人若犯我~~我就生气~~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">54.我的心理很难过，我的眼泪流成河，我的人品也不错，为什么你爱别人不爱我...我亲爱的人民币.</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">55.爱我就大声地说出来吧！恨我就一辈子藏在心里吧!</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">56.我知道,天下无不散宴席,可是,至少,宴席上我要吃得爽!</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">57.西游记告诉我们，有背景的妖怪都会被领导救走，没背景的才被一棒打死~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">58.严重抗意凤凰卫视在播放广告时插播电视剧！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">59.如果心情不好，</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>就去超市捏捏方便面。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">60.谁耽误我一阵子，我让他后悔一辈子</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">61.关门一个月，不要叫我，因为一叫我我就会出来……</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">62.出租车司机，司机中的战斗机，噢耶！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">63.思想有多远，你就给我滚多远！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">64.诸葛亮出山前也没带过兵啊，你们凭啥要我有工作经验！！！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">65.工作的最高境界就是看着别人上班，领着别人的工资。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">66.胖并憔悴着~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">67.康夫你辞职的时候有没有考虑过哆啦A梦的感受！（去年日本首相宣布辞职时写的）</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">68.我风情又果敢,远目且踏实,品味上乘却又勤奋自省,缺点虽多，还望大家海涵！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">69.你给我滚，马不停蹄的滚……</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">70.做人一定要做一个蹦蹦跳跳的人。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">71.我走我的阳光道，你过你的奈何桥。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">72.人生最大的悲哀是青春不在,青春痘却还在。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">73.世界是我们的，也是孩子们的，但最终是那帮孙子们的！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">74.总有一天你的名字会出现在我家的户口本上！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">75.当你披上了婚纱</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>我也披上了袈裟~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">76.我们的宗旨是：为人民币服务！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">77.每当困难的时候我就念藏经：“噢嘛呢哞嘛哄”，</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>翻译成英文就是:All<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>money<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>go<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>my<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>home!</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">78.好久没有人把牛皮吹的这么清新脱俗了！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">79.最简单的长寿秘决--------------保持呼吸，不要断气~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">80.钱对你真的就那么重要吗？讲了3个多小时了一分钱都不降。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">81.打死我也不说，你们还没使美人计呢！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">82.等我有钱了，我就买一辆公交车，专门走公交专用车道，专门停在公交车站，等有人想上车了，我就说：对不起，这是私家车~~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">83.善良就是别人挨饿的时候，我吃肉不bia</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">ji 嘴~~</span></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">84.别和我谈理想``我戒了！</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; FONT-SIZE: 20px">85.早上赖床..遂从口袋掏出6个硬币..如抛出去全部是正面..就去上课..思绪良久..还是算了..太冒险了..还是继续哈密吧(～</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>o<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 21px"> </span>～)~</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 21px">86.我曾想成为一个问题少年，然而我却循规蹈矩地活了这么多年。</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 3em"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, helvetica,sans-serif; FONT-SIZE: 20px"> </span></p><p></p>